a woman

What if I tell you
that I smile when I feel like crying
I celebrate with you as if its my happiness
When I feel like, I m dying…

I want to scream my head off
Throw things around but all I do is-smile
I feel like breaking everything, I like
Alas!all I do is kiss you goodnite
And switch off the lights

I laugh at your naughtiness
And tears fill my eyes
U assume it’s the happiness making me cry
Do u know? it’s the tears of irritation
That wet my eyes

I m a woman
Probably that’s why I can, my pain, hide
I m broken, shattered, lost
Like in the fireplace
The burnt oaks lie

I think some dreams a gud only at nite
Husband, in laws, kids, all sounded so nice
That why I didn’t think twice
Now I lament; I m bonded, tied downWhen I desire to fly like a kite……..

speaking mind

exams r like alchol
1.results in hangover
2.makes one senseless with worry
3.can give u high or low
so say cheers n gulp it in one go.


my condition is 'much ado about nothing' i.e i have so much to do and i have done nothing.exams r like 'a midsummer night's dream'.tere is conflict as in 'othello' hope i won't make a mistake like 'king lear'.i wonder will the exams end well coz 'all's well that ends well'.wondering wat u will calll this kind of msg,well 'as u like it'.


how could 'the god of small things' make education 'the blind assasin'leaving us to 'disgrace'.life was a 'holiday' till i was thrown 'offshore' dwelling on 'the farmished road'.for doing this to me god has 'something to answer for'.(all the books mentioned have won the booker prize)

tears in my eyes

i climbed the stairs,staring at the walls,searching the crowded faces for a known face.i was back in my hostel after 7 long years.the staircase i had climbed as teenager was still there.i don't know what i was expecting when i visited my hostel.it never occured to me that the hostel will remain intact after so many years probably like age i expected it to change and some parts of it to decay but it didn't.i had been in the hostel since i was a kid of four.funny it seems now,how i have grown.i never imagined visiting my school to be addressed as a ex-student.
i never really liked my school.unlike most of the days scholars i had to stay back in the hostel and be home only for vacations.every day when the days scholars would board the bus to go back home i would look longingly at the buses till it would vanish from my sight.then getting up at 5am,its unimaginable now.brushing the teeth while standing in a row.scarcity of water.my life was being ruled my the sound of the bell.the bell rang for literally everything.life was more or less like charles dickens describes in david copperfield.alas! all hostels are the same or the feelings of hostels are the same.
inspite of all these things as soon as i saw a known face in the crowd tears rolled down my eyes.standing at the stairs was the servant(ayaeji)who had seen me since i was a kid.a warm hug i got.when in school i had never hugged any of the ayaeji's now it seemed just the right thing to do.i met a few of my teachers too. they remembered my face not my name. with every person i met a fresh drop of tear rolled down.i cant comprehend how i felt then..i walked down the memory lane.i went to the dining hall.now it had curtains,water cooler,better sitting arrangements i just looked around like a kid and i felt like a kid,again.
ever since i had left the hostel i had never missed it on the contrary i was glad of leaving it. sure i should be thankful for the quality education it has provided me with but the day today struggles were a burden.those burdens seem trivial now.had i not gone back i would never have beeen able to unburden myself.with my tears my burden rolled away.
time has eased my frightened heart.i was frightened to be back in the hostel,as a child i used to get nightmares,even as an adult whenever i saw a bad dream most of the time i was in my hostel.now there are no nightmares,probably by going back i fought my fears and returned victorious,heaving a sigh of relief.

a walk down the memory lane

as i walk down the memory lane
i can see myself
laughing,joking,making frenz on the outside
while inside me..there is pain

i know not from whence it comes
i dont know how melancholy sets in
all i know, sometimes i think i will go insane

i can see people pass by
jokes being cracket
i am a part of everything
yet i am not there
is something wrong with my brain?

i can hear noises
i can feel things
but it seems like
its not life....
its like watching a train

why i feel this void
why this strangeness
why is that everything is perfect
but there is something so wrong
i wish i knew what it is.....
before life slips like grains.